Dinner table syndrome: Hearing loss & stress during holidays

Dinner table conversations have always been symbolic of connection, community, and culture. For some families, eating dinner together every night is a routine that strengthens bonds and builds understanding. However, this can look and feel different for deaf and hard-of-hearing individuals who live in hearing households.

In many cases, they dread the dinner table because their participation in these conversations may be limited or sometimes unintentionally excluded, leading to what is commonly referred to as “dinner table syndrome.” As you prepare for the holidays, learn how you can limit the dinner table syndrome experience of someone dear to you.

• Dinner table syndrome happens when a hearing-impaired individual cannot participate in dinner conversations due to a lack of signing, inclusion, or invitation to engage. 
• Dinner table syndrome is a common experience shared across the hearing-impaired, deaf, and hard-of-hearing (DHH) community.
• Holiday events can enhance dinner table syndrome. While everyone else is enjoying themselves, DHH people may find themselves alone.
• Dinner table conversations are important and meaningful. They represent connection, culture, and community.
• One of the biggest indicators of dinner table syndrome is the unintentional exclusion of DHH individuals.
• Many barriers can prevent DHH individuals from participating fully in dinner conversations: eating, noise, movements, and multiple ongoing conversations.
• Holiday events and dinners can be made accessible and inclusive for DHH people with adequate lighting, low music, thoughtful seating arrangements, and more. 

In the United States, 90% of deaf and hard-of-hearing (DHH) children are born to hearing parents¹. Of that number, 88% of hearing parents do not learn sign language². In hearing-majority households, DHH family members may frequently experience dinner table syndrome.

What is dinner table syndrome, exactly? It most regularly occurs at the dinner table, where multiple conversations are held among hearing family members that exclude the DHH individual. Family dinner conversations are important to the learning of deaf children¹. If there is no room for their participation or any signing to include them, the isolated deaf person can feel confused, lost, and ignored. Long-term, this can lead to social isolation.

The dinner table brings together conversations, food, and sometimes even games or activities. Dinner table syndrome is a difficult experience, but asking to be included can be an even harder feeling. This is the reality for many DHH people. Despite already feeling isolated, they make continuous efforts to follow along with conversations, read lips, or simply ask what the conversation is about.

However, with people eating, along with the various noises and movements that happen at a dinner table, they are often met with responses of “I’ll tell you later.” Sometimes, even if there is someone to help sign the conversation, it is not always a smooth process, as that person will need to eat too. Dinner table syndrome is frustrating and lonely. Over time, DHH children and individuals may create their own dinner routine to cope with these feelings. A few examples typically include:

• Eating dinner by themselves or in their room
• Watching something on the TV or phone while they eat
• Reading a book at dinner
• Finishing their food quickly to leave the dinner table 

If you have a deaf or hard-of-hearing family member or friend and are wondering how to prevent dinner table syndrome this holiday season, try these four tips:

1. Have your deaf or hard-of-hearing person lead conversations.

Allow them to set the tone and flow of conversations they want to engage in. This can help build their confidence and comfort at the dinner table. It can also establish proper talking etiquette by minimizing interruptions and side conversations.

2. Organize seating arrangements.

It can be difficult to follow conversations or track who is talking if everyone is not visible to your deaf family member. A great way to combat this barrier is to sit them in the middle or eat at a round table. With everyone’s face visible, they can follow along easier, even if some people are not using sign language.

3. Avoid saying: “I’ll tell you later” or “It wasn’t important.”

These statements can be dismissive and hurtful. In many cases, the “for later” conversations never happen. It is a disheartening part of dinner table syndrome. It can become burdensome or awkward for DHH people to ask about the situation after the event. Interpret conversations in real time, even if they may seem unimportant or just small talk.

4.  Minimize distractions: lights, music, and decorations.

Of course, you can still decorate for the holidays; it’s part of the spirit! Although it is important to note that the DHH community uses lip reading and sign language to communicate and loud music can hinder conversations for hard-of-hearing individuals. This requires an environment that is well-lit with minimal music, flashing lights, and hanging or tabletop decorations.

Don’t let dinner table syndrome become a holiday tradition in your home. Help your DHH family member and friends escape the dinner table syndrome cycle with new traditions that are accessible and inclusive.